Wonder Women: Period Pampering

Not that it’s new news, but women’s bodies have been making headlines lately.  The GOP debate involved a bunch of old white (well, spray-tan orange) men talking about things like reproductive rights and other things that are none of their business.  Then Donald Trump, master of manners and the appropriate, made a remark about moderator Megyn Kelly’s performance during the debate, crudely saying that she was “off base,” with “blood coming out of her wherever.”  Funny-memes-31400193-407-435

First of all, “her wherever?!”  Nothing says ‘husband of a trophy wife’ like not knowing/respecting the female anatomy well enough to call a vagina a vagina.  Bedroom skills off the charts, I’m sure, Mr. Trump.  Second of all, until you grow a “wherever,” shut up about ours.  Seriously, between Hispanics and females, you don’t have much of the population left.  Contrary to popular belief, this country doesn’t have a majority of rich old white dudes.  Not to mention, most of them are currently running against you to be the Republican nominee…

Seriously, this for President?
Seriously, this for President?

Now, I am all for chivalry.  I love when a guy brings me flowers and treats me like a queen.  I love to cook for my boyfriends, and I take pride in being girly.  But that does not mean I am weaker, or that I am any less than any guy I date.  And God help any “man” that suggests that I am.  I’m not going to stop shaving my legs any time soon, but I believe in my gender, and it pisses me off that some women don’t.  We already have to contend with imbeciles like Trump; we shouldn’t be stuck infighting as well.

Alright, real talk: aside from reminding you that you can have beautiful babies, periods suck.  I read last week about the woman who ran a marathon without a tampon to fight back at period-shamers, and my first thought was, awesome, but they are pretty gross.  Let me explain: no man will ever understand what its like to get their period, so for them to say that it is gross is just dumb and rude, especially since it is what shows the world that you are a woman capable of bearing children, a beautiful thing.  But as someone who buys tampons and “enjoys” the monthly crimson tide, I can say that the actual physical having of your period is pretty gross.  I mean, I don’t like blood in general; until last year I still asked for numbing spray before my shots at the doctors office!  And the lovely side effects of bloating, cramps and mood swings only add to the fun.  This week, I had such bad cramps that one afternoon I started crying at the beach.

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Screen Shot 2015-08-21 at 1.02.53 AM

Basically, when I have my “monthly” (how old-fashioned am I!?) you should stay very far away, and only approach if you come bearing gifts.  So I thought I would talk about some of my favorite self-soothing activities for when I am just too much woman to function (my new empowered way of saying that I am in the red zone.)  Ladies, we need to cherish, love and RESPECT one another.  No more slut-shaming, body-shaming, and period-shaming, ok?  Here’s how to survive the monthly madness…

Be Calm and Beautify: Basically, help your outside when your insides are doing their thang.  Today I felt so much better while swimming in the ocean; my cramps were gone until I got back on the sand.  The at-home version?  Bubble bath!  Light a candle, throw in a bath bomb, and soak.  Confession:  I put my laptop on top of the toilet so I can watch TV while I soak.  And you all know that I love my skincare and beauty products.  One of my favorite ways to feel better, period or not, is to curl up with a good mud or sheet mask and feel like I’m treating myself.cat-funny-funny-cat-cat-meme-spa-cat-Favim.com-1198312

Treat Yo Self: I am a firm believer in this regardless, but having my body on “red alert” is a good excuse.  When my cramps attack, I am happy to curl up and sift through ASOS, Revolve, and my other favorite sites to dream of new outfits and spend money I don’t have.  As Sheryl Crow sings, “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.”


Ditch the Diet: Aside from generally trying to eat healthily, I don’t really do diets.  My self-control fails when faced with pizza, but as my girlfriends like to say, there are no calories during your period!  I have a low tolerance for pain and discomfort, and food goes a long way in the healing department.

Screen Shot 2015-08-21 at 1.17.05 AM
or not

Distract Yo Self: Bake cookies, read a book, catch up on current events… Whatever focuses you enough to make you forget what your body is doing is good for when the Advil just won’t cut it.  Personally, I like to curl up with a fluffy blanket and read Daniel Silva books or watch NCIS on Netflix while giving myself a manicure.

Screen Shot 2015-08-21 at 1.02.43 AMGet Out of the House – I am usually crippled by my cramps, so this is applies to those of you who can function while flowing.  Sorry, that was just too good of an alliteration to pass up haha.  But going on an adventure or even taking your shopping trip offline is good for when you feel too crappy to get any kind of work done.  They say that if you smile, it will actually make you feel happier, even if the smile starts out as fake.  If you do fun things when you feel bad, they can make you feel better.  Kind of a placebo of sorts.Foul-Bachelor-Frog-Memes

Well, that’s all for now!  I hope this helps all my fellow women battling the beast.  I’m going to retreat into my blanket fort and watch Netflix, because that is my right as a woman… Stay strong ladies!  XX, Gabrielleimages

*All images can be found on Google

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